


"What's Been Left Behind"

by sychononny



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Child Abandonment, Child Neglect, Crying, Domesticity, Family Issues, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Platonic Cuddling, Rejection, Sad, blame, scapegoating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-15
Updated: 2014-05-15
Packaged: 2018-01-24 20:44:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1616444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sychononny/pseuds/sychononny
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Father leaves them, teenager!Lucifer has to watch as the rest of his family falls apart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	"What's Been Left Behind"

**Author's Note:**

> Pairing: Luci & Cas (nonsexual, though could be read as pre-relationship if wanted to)  
> Warnings: Tissue warning in full effect. I cried while writing this, so I'd imagine it may have some feels involved. 
> 
> For what it's worth, I listened to three songs while writing this (both for mood influence and lyrics). So for those who like that sort of thing:  
> ['Human' covered by Madilyn Bailey (acoustic version)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xtSye1rio40)  
> ['Demons' covered by Boyce Avenue ft. Jennel Garcia](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9DLtzc9KLiw)  
> ['Pompeii' covered by Madilyn Bailey ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D8cV638SQOc)  
> [I found them on youtube. So if the links stop working, check there.]
> 
> Originally inspired by this prompt:  
> http://spnkink-meme.livejournal.com/85613.html?thread=32116333#t32116333 --  
> "Request: Lucifer/Castiel, touching, incest, possibly AU  
> Lucifer loves his little brother Cas. Cas is a little ball of angst, desperately looking for someone to believe in and to love. Lucifer uses that to make Cas feel comfortable with Luci coming into his bedroom late at night for cuddles. Lucifer loves how warm, small and sweet Cas is. Can either be stuff like that, innocent with an underlying ~knowledge from Lucifer that it's more than brotherly cuddles or turning into more, maybe Luci coaxing Cas into jacking him off, gaining Cas's childish adoration, making Cas want to impress his super cool old brother."
> 
> But I feel like this might have wandered from the original prompt. Hopefully you get another fill with sneaky, fluffy & sexiness in it. In the meantime, here's a mostly!human AU with sadness and feels and h/c with platonic brotherliness.

________________________________________________________________________________________________

Ever since Father left, they each deal with it in different ways. 

Anna, at fourteen, has practically moved in with her friends, only stopping by to take another pile of her clothes with her. Luci is under no delusions that by the end of the school year, her room is going to be practically emptied. By then they'll be lucky to ever see her. 

Michael tries to be like Father. But at seventeen, he only knows how to be bossy and quick tempered. 

Gabriel is out spending every weekend causing more trouble than the last one. Luci knows he's hiding his pain in spray paint graffiti and middle school detention. Knows Gabriel is only looking for some kind of attention. He looks up to Michael especially. Now that Father's gone the thirteen year old wants daily proof that Michael won't leave him too. Gabe's always been afraid of becoming invisible in a house with louder and taller siblings. He's afraid of becoming a ghost, ignored and overlooked, the brother no one would notice. 

It's a necessary worry. After all, that's what happened to the quiet and obedient youngest, Castiel. 

Luci doesn't know how to deal with that, but he watches what their family becomes: fractured, drifting and wedged apart. Like none of it matters anymore. He remembers fondly late nights when Mother was alive, all of them so much younger, Cas just a baby. But there was love. He wouldn't have thought they'd ever quit being a family. 

Now...there is no family. It makes him feel so helpless. So angry. 

He sometimes wishes he could goof off like Gabe does, but he knows Michael wouldn't be exasperated and just ground him. No, Micheal’s always felt Luci was competition for their Father's attentions. He suspects Michael blames their Father's leaving on Luci and his suspension last year from school. The fact it was a misunderstanding doesn't seem to matter. Instead of being the people who are supposed to be able to see the best in you, Michael just places blame. If Luci steps even a foot out of line, Michael would throw him out. And he'd smile while he watched him leave. 

Luci isn't ready to walk away though. He keeps waking up every day hoping that his Father will be back in his study. Instead, the door has started to creak with disuse. The old hinges needed oiling every six months and by now it's been nearly five. Some days he wants to break everything in there and just scream with rage. But he doesn't. Instead, he fights the urge to crawl under that big desk and breathe in the smells, wishing Father would come in just to find him under there. 

_'Hey there, what's my Shining Star doing hiding in the dark?' He'd say when he'd find him._

_Then he'd pat his knee and listen as Luci told him about nightmares, school grades, fights with Michael and how he misses Mother._

He no longer goes in there. Hell will freeze over before he lets Michael catch him crying. But sometimes he stands right outside that solid oak door and presses his palms against it. Just _wishing_ things could go back to being a whole family again. 

He'd pray, but it already feels like no one is there.

There's only one person who doesn't seem to already be moving on. Five year old Cas, always so much younger than everybody else. The last child born of Mother. The last one thought of by almost everyone else. Cas is the Forgotten Child. The one Gabe tries desperately to avoid becoming. The one no one wants. 

Except Luci. 

It's become Luci who tucks him into bed at night. Luci who feeds him breakfast, lunch and dinner. Luci who gets him on the bus. And it's Luci who helps him study his homework after he's done doing his own. 

Together, they make two. It's not like old times, but it's all Luci's got. It eases the ache in his heart, and makes him feel like he's got someone to belong to. 

But it's not enough for little Castiel. Luci watches like it's own heart being bruised when little Cas reaches for Micheal’s hand only to be shaken off as the oldest leaves to track down Gabe. He watches with a heavy heart as Cas runs to catch up to Anna, only to be left staring forlornly down the street as the sound of teen music and taillights get smaller and smaller. He watches Cas try to follow Gabe when he sneaks out at night, only to be left crying on the porch for "being too loud" and "a crybaby". 

Luci wants to shake them by their shoulders and make them pay attention. Tell them that Mother would have wanted them to love Cas. That the youngest Milton needs them to be a family again. 

He did try. 

Only to find out that Micheal’s not the only one who believes Luci is the reason Father left them. He's not the only one who blames Luci and wants him gone. 

It hurts when Anna says it. Burns when Gabe says it. Michael doesn't have to say it to his face anymore, because now Luci knows he says it plenty when he's not around. 

That's when Luci realises they're not a family anymore. He's honestly not sure why that hurts so much. Apparently it's been true for such a long time now. Shouldn't that make it ache less?

That night he doesn't go to his own bed after tucking in Cas. Instead he sits on the edge of his brother's bed, staring at shadows made of moonlight and watches his hands shake. No one can see him cry there in the dark. It's a long time before he moves. But when he lays down next to Cas, all he gets is a grateful ball of nonjudgmental warmth. 

He never sleeps in his own bed after that. 

And if it's Luci's hand that Cas grabs now when he needs comfort, no one else but Luci notices. No one realises exactly when Cas stops calling after Anna, crawling up onto Luci's lap instead. Or when he listens in the dark to Gabe sneaking down the hall, clutching Luci's nightshirt as they listen to him go. After that, Luci always sings him softly back to sleep, touching child-soft hair until he can feel his brother's body relax again. 

Slowly, surely, two starts to feel like it might become enough for both of them. 

As the grief pulls away from his own heart, Lucifer can see the healing mirrored in Cas's blue eyes. Cas has Mother's eyes. And when he looks up at Luci, it's like his youngest brother thinks Luci hung the sun in the sky. It eases the ache caused by the accusing looks he gets from the others; the resentment and blame he gets from Michael. 

Sometimes Cas actually smiles shyly up at him. When Luci makes him laugh, it's still soft and hesitant - almost as if Cas is afraid something will swoop in and steal it all away if he's too loud. But that sound still manages to fill a hole deep inside his heart, somewhere Luci had thought would stay empty forever. 

In Castiel's eyes, Luci is loved and two has become enough. 

 

**

Cas is six when Luci comes home from work to find his stuff on the lawn. 

Michael isn't even there in person, just a scrawled note on the door informing Luci he's not allowed back in the house. Judging by the handwriting, he was angry. Luci's surprised when that doesn't hurt as much as it should. He mourned that loss such a long time ago.

He ignores the note and the boxes, takes the stairs two at a time. He finds Castiel tucked in a corner of their room, afraid he's been left behind. Cas clings to Luci the second he picks him up, making his shirt wet with tears as Luci promises that he'd never leave without him. Together they pack up everything Cas wants to take. That night the Prodigal Son and the Forgotten Child leave together. 

It takes another week before the oldest Milton notices Cas is even gone. No one gets to see the utterly lost look on Micheal’s face as he searches the room for anything left behind. Eventually, he finds a teddy bear that had fallen behind the dresser. 

Sitting there, holding a child's lost toy in an increasingly empty house, Michael prays so hard. 

Father doesn't answer. 

**

Luci takes Cas down to the southern states, where the weather is hellishly hot, the summers are long and Michael is left far behind them. They don't stop until they reach a small town in New Mexico. That's where the gas runs out, and Luci finds a small one bedroom apartment he can barely afford. 

He's supposed to sleep on the couch and let Cas take the bedroom. But old habits die hard. The couch doesn't see much use, but the tired, old, and saggy queen bed is regularly forced to hold two brothers instead of one. 

Cas goes to school; Luci works where he can. Together they laugh and make memories. It feels like home, just the two of them. 

And two is more than enough. 

**


End file.
